VaMpiRe's HeArT LiFe

alot of things are beyond my imaginations

2009-05-21T22:55:00.002+08:00

these few weeks have been a mess... since school reopens actually, nothing has been right for me... tot i was given a hope, who knows it was actually a false one...
i actually lost to a gal...
i could understand if she has a bf....
but y must it be in this kinda situation....
firstly sad for myself...
secondly i feel sad for her too....
alot of friends advising me to go for it despite knowing the current situation...
but.....
i myself feel wats the point if i don think its right....
wats the point of having her no. if i don intend to sms her at all...
no point, i also think so...
so might as well let time to heal the wounds...
one year without such feelings, when it finally appears again, it ended up on a wrong person?
how long to heal the wounds, i really do not know....
maybe i have thought too much...

是你决定我的心情

2009-05-07T22:29:00.002+08:00

好久没写华语了...
我好象又初恋了, 最竟认识了一个女的... 开始的时后好象只是有好感, 可是没看到她的时后好象很不开心.... ah... give up liao.. so tiring to type in mandarin...
so moody and kinda sad without seeing her....
honestly, i forgot how she looks like.. i noe i will definitely rmb her when i do see her.....
wonder when am i going to see her again, most probably most recent would be tuesday? which is like 4 days later... oh gosh.. so long.... hai.....

missing the misses

2009-04-12T00:58:00.002+08:00

realised luck can change for everyone.. not everyday sunday, right now i am experiencing a bad day... short of cash flow, unlucky happenings, and reunion with the people i disliked.
recently had been bad in terms of cash.. owed father 400, melvin 100 and credit card bill.... pay will come in in a few days time.. its not much after deducting all these debts, maybe left wif a few hundred... realised money is spent faster than i had thought, realised money is hard to earn, realised tht i gotta start saving... so where have i been spending? daily expenses? entertainment expenses like drinking really cost me a bomb, maybe 3-400? and wat was really a hard pain spending is a fine.... a fine of 300 dollars!!! because i flicked my cigarette bud into the drain, man thts very unlucky... tht is the unlucky happening tht i mentioned earlier. and wats more unlucky is, the fine is 300 instead of the previously 200!!! why? its because they changed the amt from the start of april. and i was caught on the 5th... super suay! really an april fool fine... work has been tiring these days because stationed in roadshows.... hot and tiring.. far too... realised money is really hard to be earned.... i wanna start saving!!! after my pay comes in this month, i will start saving.. i noe its gonna be tough given my spending habits but i must save.... as i realised i have been spending all tht i earned....
hope my pay comes in earlier....
although i do feel quite fulfilled now, but i am stilll missing what tht i would wan most.. maybe not most but second most?

holy holiday....

2009-03-23T23:25:00.002+08:00

holiday finally....
holiday puts me out of aim. Alot of things i wanna achieve though... i wanna speak good english, wanna have a colorful day everyday, wanna look for a extraodinary romantic love story and lastly, wanna be a better man.
holiday is about work, drink and i think nothing else?
its boring... yes it is. nothing really interest me actually. driving? take my time since i don own a car anyway. sports? come on, i am too lazy to it on my own.
i have a quite impossible task to speak good english suddenly. after the IT show actually... why? firstly because maybe i am aiming for an emcee post for the next show but most importantly, i feel that my english standard is dropping, perharps because i am using too much of mandarin. time to change, i know its going to be a difficult task. well i dont expect much from myself though.
i wanna look for a extraodinary romantic love story.... saw a few dramas this holiday. alot of romantic story... too beautiful to be true.. but i wanna find one.... don put much hope in this though... this holiday made me envy alot of couples.... none of the sweetest ice cream can win the sweetness of the lips of the person u loved... friends out there who have gfs or bfs, treasure your other half! cos when its gone, u will miss it....
haha.... i am not desperate for one though. like qiqi said, i must wait for a suitable one.. a right one... one tht i don wanna waste my time anymore.. yes i don wanna play anymore, times running out and i should be searching for a true one....i wonder how long i must wait before she appears....
for the rest of my holiday i wanan rest... i am too exhausted.... i wanna rest, slack, enjoy, work, and stay healthy....

adapting to 18

2008-12-18T00:24:00.002+08:00

well 18 seems just a figure to many. but to me, it is a extremely important number cos i grow becos of 18. i learn becos of 18 and i change becos of 18.

18's life...
work, enjoy ur job. an hour 5/6 dollars? no way, not going to be enuff even for my cigarettes.

life? wat is life? mahjong? go shopping?? gambling? no way too.. those are stuffs for me to relax. life is drink smoke club pub. really damn shiok. finally understand wat is life. seriously, i cant live without my sticks now. club is damn happening, gals there damn cute. really see another side of gals there, their horny and happening side =)

with my own income, i live independently now.

becos of work, i learnt alot of experiences of live from my colleagues.
Know wats the difference between good wife and bad wife. but of cos not the time to think about wife, should be the time to think about playing. but still have to do some planning for the future.
starting to save for my future, a little every month now will make a big difference for me in the future. honestly, school lives is really the best time, except the exam periods. but well it is jus over so means got alot of time to enjoy til the next struggling.

enjoy life

regards

finally back posting..

2008-10-19T01:35:00.003+08:00

ya finally back... didnt post for the past few months cos really not in the mood to do so...
alot happen this holiday..
really alot..
i guess i changed...
1st) dramatic tt happen.. broke wif gf.. reason: feelings fade due to too much quarreling?
2nd) quarrelled wif mother.. reason: don wish to elaborate..
now.. everything is on myself..
no parents, no gf.. it is gonna be hard.. i noe.. but i don regret..
no allowance.. no food..
must work for my own expenses...
it is gonna be tiring and might affect my results.. but i wont go ask a cent from my parents...
3rd) considering to learn bike or car first.. if can both, both.. if cant, i don noe which to choose.. really really stuck...
all these really changed me..
this holiday tells me that i hav to be independent.. i am learning..
don look forward to another gal anymore.... not guys also...
jus wanna hav fun in my remaining days... club eat drink smoke, wateva! as long as i work and use my own money!
i noe i am suffering from retribution.. i can sense it. cause i too rude to my mother.. but i don care.. i am sure i will survive..
really really retribution.. atm card retained by machine,. wtf!! den left 56 to work today.. den bought concession 52.. left with 4 bucks!!.. at work, need pay deposit of 10 for tie.. no money.. bobian don lend lor.. although is super risky.. 4 dollars eaten.. tmr how to survive? i don noe.. hai..
really really sux!.. i hate this kinda bad luck now.. i noe its retribution.. but i wont go back to mummy!!!.. i planning infuture to severe mother-son relationship wif her..
i pretty unfilial right.. ya i noe.. but i jus cant swallow down wat she said!!!
thx for all my craps.. i jus need u frends now.. or else.. i will really be alone...

life a mess...

2008-08-10T14:56:00.003+08:00

it has been quite awhile since i made my last posting.. sorry to keep u guys waiting.. it is actually becos these few weeks alot happen in my life which me very confuse.... actually even now, the confusion is not over but at least i am trying to avoid it... i cant really divulge the whole thing out.. but at least, i can give some clue...
i think i two timed my gf... very bad right?? yeah i know.. but it jus happen... maybe cos gf disappoint me alot alot of times?? i don noe.. but the fact is that i two timed her... then for the past few weeks i am very confused... don know who i really wan?? i jus think i got feelings towards both...
it is actually more complicated than it seems here... it is very difficult to come to a conclusion.. if i leave gf, she will get hurt.. if i leave the other gal, she will get hurt... i really don noe wat to do and wat i really wan..
But now.. i think i am slowly coming to a conclusion becos my feelings towards another gal is fading away and recently gf seems to be perfect, never make me angry, never make me feel inconfident.. the only disadvantage between us is that she doesnt hav free time for me... is tt y i will easily fall for tht gal, i wonder?? i don noe..
anyway.. i am trying to avoid these problems ok.. i am still going out wif both of them, at different time of course.. i need some direction from my own feelings too...
felt very sorry for gf... and guilty... nonetheless, i promise to treat gf better...
i think i noe wat i really wan.. but i cant let go now cos i will be hurting her...so maybe slowly and slowly until she lose feelings, den i let go, den i don hurt her tt much..

projects over but new challenges coming..

2008-07-20T21:16:00.002+08:00

yay.. projects are all over.. finally.. but... cas accpac test and theory test next sat and the following week.. gosh.. when will this cycle ever end... especially cas.. i hate it.. think i hav to start to wake up and do my tutorials le.. i already skipped so many.. gf and me still going well cos we seldom see each other le.. once a week.. she say absence makes the heart fonder.. for me.. absence make the heart fader..

finally tot thru....

2008-07-11T19:22:00.002+08:00

after tt incident, we nearly broke up... nearly means never.. still lucky in the sense.. but maybe the real one is not far away..
Not tt i am very negative or wat.. we do feel the same for each other.. however, we noe tt we are not meant for each other.. hai... don wanna think about it... but i hav a very crazy tot.. and tts to see whether there wil be a second one before i end this one... i mean not two timing.. but maybe if really fated and i found someone else tt i love, i think i would let go of this one? cos i feels no sense of security.. but i am not gonna do anything tt will betray her when i am still her bf...
carmen..

好心没好报!!!

2008-07-06T23:10:00.000+08:00

ARH!!!!!!!!!!! i wanna scream!!!.. my gf so unreasonable this time!!! she asked me to help her do survey so i did.. den i discovered got some qn choices phrased wrongly so i tell her cos phrasing of survey got marks de.. rmb comm skill?? den she angry wif me!!! say she edit de wat i expect den angry wif me.. i tried explaining to her. den she still angry wif me!!! and den BLOCKED me!!! ARH!!!!!!!!!! wat the f........!!!!!! i hate it man. so unreasonable, so immature.. this time i wont give in le. either she give in or we walk separate ways!!!!!!!!!!! i really cant stand her sudden angry for nothing liao.. hai..... i think i feeling sad more than angry now... very confuse... goin to sleep already.. but i doubt i can.................. ha........ i don wanna fall in love again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its a guy girl thing..

2008-07-06T01:03:00.000+08:00

when out wif gf for the whole day starting from 4 plus.. went town.. den went to see if the show "get smart" still available.. but unfortunately not... so end up we watch its a guy gal thing.. it was a great show.. quite alot of sexual content. but of cos not the sexual content tt make the show great.. the romance story is nice.. pretty simple but touching... i was touched by tt show.. and felt very warmth that the one i love is beside me while watching that show.. after tt went to hav dinner and den went home.. along the way home, while in bus. suddenly gf very cold to me.. don noe wat happen, so i also leave her alone and abit frustrated of her being so sudden cold to me.. den reach the bus stop where we were supposed to change bus. i told her to drop. den we sat at different seats in the bus stop and the bus stop is empty. finally, and very expected.. its me who gave up and started the conversation.. it was a misunderstanding.. she said she tot it was me who was angry wif her first... but i rmb its not the case..but forget it, its jus a small thing and i guess she's jus tired.. so jus forget about it ba.. but kinda sad tht everytime its me who will take the blame no matter whether i am in the wrong or in the right.. hai... sad sad... but nvm.. at least i noe my gf loves me.. i guess its all tht matters.. as long as two person loves each other, the rest don matters..

stressless

2008-07-04T20:21:00.000+08:00

Have been feeling stress for the past few days because of tutorials, projects and the coming test. today, although not a good day in the morning cos i have to take a cab to school, but is a rather relaxing day for me. Lesson ends at 1... after tt went to lab to do apel and play bridge after tt go home to play winning eleven and play soccer.. wow.. play 3x.. so cool.. today really the best day so far for the week... if she's wif me today i guess today will be perfect.. sadly, no.. she's been busy.. always.. actually not always busy la. but always got excuses of not meeting me... now u understand y hav a gf like no gf?? hai.. hav to decide when to do law project, either tmr or sunday.. don noe which to choose.. gf says both day also wan to accompany me. how i wan to give up either day!! but i got no choice cos the dateline approaching. jonathan and ming xuan ask me play soccer tmr. i say i will try to make it.. but i scared if i go, i will hav to energy to go out wif my gf and i definitely knows tt she;s much more important than playing soccer. how?? decision making... really stuck.. i think most probably i will fly ming xuan aeroplane and then go out wif gf ba.. project i try to do on sunday.. hai hai... can my gf be wif me all the times.. arh.. wat am i toking, its impossible..

here's a pic of gf.. miss her.. and miss playing soccer wif my friends.. i noe i quite selfish while taking the ball tt day.. sorry.. hope u guys can forgive me.. i am trying to learn to play as a team and not as an individual.

Entrance of vampire life

2008-06-30T22:09:00.000+08:00

Hi there, i don noe how many people will be viewing this blog but actually it is jus a place for me to express myself.. its not that i have no friends to share, but sometimes there are things that are jus difficult to share wif them.

today woke up at 9..,. pretty early.. went to school first time tt i arrived earlier than the start of the lecture so i decided to go study room study cma.. after that went for lecture, den break, den cma tutorial. Tried my very best to pay attention in class so tt i would be able to understand the topic and i think i could understand 80% of the chapter although i didnt do the hw. after tt went for law, my gosh, gomez wasnt here today.. she was replaced wif a teacher who looked very fierce and like to ask alot of "what if". In the end of the lesson, i guess i learn nothing regarding the sale of goods act. wat a sad case. after tt call dar dar ask her if she wan me to go find her ornot cos yesterday she didnt sleep well. But she said don wan.. everytime also say don wan. don noe wats wif her mind. den after tt took 8 wif kelvin and while i was supposed to wait for 60, 21 came and i called dar dar askingher if she really don wan me to go.. denthis time, she said ok..reminds me of the song jenny "first u say u wont, den u say u will".. met her for around 2 hours den left le.. travel time to go home, 1 hr.. hai so sian and i slept in the bus. i really tired of this kinda life.. my gf stay quite far from me end up hav to travel home for so long. hai.. no choice, she's my gf i have to endure.. but sometimes i really feel tt i hav no gf.. cos she will hide things from me at times and i cant convince her to tell me.. hope she will get more mature day by day... felt very pain all over becos of sunburn..hope i can be as tanned as him..

**VaMpiRe's HeArT LiFe**